Mark 10:1-12[1]
Human relationships
are wonderful and complicated, mainly because we humans are wonderful and
complicated. This applies to marriage, if for no other reason than it involves
two human beings trying to live together. We bring all that we are into a
marriage, and that can lead to a wonderful union. But because a marriage
involves two flawed and broken people, that’s not always how it turns out. Some
think of this in terms of what’s “right” and what’s “wrong,” as if these things
are clear-cut. I’ve found it more helpful to look at human relationships,
including marriage, from the perspective of what’s “healthy.”[2] The fact is that there is a wide spectrum between what’s “healthy” and
“unhealthy,” with a lot of room in between.
There simply is no “one size fits all”
approach to human relationships, and that applies to marriage. In our setting,
we believe that marriage is about love. That’s not always been the case
historically. From ancient times, marriage constituted a contract between two
families that involved property and wealth. In other cases, marriage was
primarily about having children and extending the family name. The meaning of
marriage has changed and developed throughout history. And, for better or for
worse, it is still changing and developing today.
In our Gospel lesson
for today, Jesus responds to a challenge from “some Pharisees” who were trying
to “test” him. More likely, they were trying to trip him up and catch him
saying something they could use against him! We should understand that their
question about divorce was not a sincere one! They rather casually assumed they
had the right to divorce their wives. And they cited Moses as “allowing” them
to do so, quoting from the book of Deuteronomy. But Jesus attributed this to
the “hardness” of their hearts, or their stubborn insistence on going their own
way rather than obeying God. I think we should notice that while the Pharisees
assumed they were shining examples of moral purity, Jesus reminded them of
their own sin!
But more than that,
Jesus challenged them to go beyond what Moses “permitted.” He pointed them back
to God’s original intention for marriage “from the beginning of creation” as
expressed in the book of Genesis: “a man shall … be joined to his wife, and the
two shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Jesus concludes, “So they are no
longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one
separate” (Mk 10:8-99). Here Jesus makes the biblical ideal clear: marriage is
intended to be a permanent relationship that lasts for a lifetime.
The Pharisees appealed
to Moses, so in order to reinforce what he was trying to say to them he went to
the Ten Commandments. Jesus applied the commandment against adultery to the
issue of marriage and divorce. I think what we must understand here is that
Jesus wasn’t addressing every possible situation involving divorce. He was
confronting a situation in which men casually assumed they had a right to
divorce their wives without any concern for their well-being. He challenged
them to take marriage and divorce much more seriously. More than that, Jesus
made both husbands and wives accountable to each other, which was
groundbreaking in that day. Even Jesus’ disciples assumed they had the “right”
to divorce their wives.
We have our own
assumptions that may make it difficult for us to hear what Jesus was trying to
say. Many have taken what Jesus says about remarriage after divorce and used it
as a “club” against hurting people. But the reality is that we all fall short
of the ideals set for us in the Bible. That’s true whether we remain married or
have been divorced! No one perfectly maintains an ideal relationship![3] Again, it seems clear: divorce and remarriage is not what God intended “from
the beginning,” but that doesn’t mean every situation involving divorce and
remarriage is “sinful.”[4] We can already see an effort to address the complexities surrounding divorce
and remarriage in the New Testament. Jesus himself mentioned infidelity as a
basis for remarriage after divorce (Mt 5:32). And Paul allowed believers from
Corinth to remarry if an unbelieving spouse wanted to divorce them (1 Cor
7:15). Neither of these situations were the ideal, but that doesn’t make them
“sinful.”
In this day when the
meaning of marriage is changing dramatically, it’s especially important for us
to uphold God’s intention for marriage “from the beginning”: a life-long
relationship of mutual respect, friendship, and care. But not every marriage
turns out like that and sometimes divorce happens. Divorce is not an
“unforgivable sin,” and it doesn’t mean that God is finished with you. We
believe that God can bring good out of all kinds of things in this life, and we
should not think of divorce as an exception. While we uphold God’s intention
for marriage, we must also recognize that we all fall short, and therefore it’s
just as important that we apply the biblical ideal with compassion,
particularly toward those in our family of faith who may have to endure the
heartbreak of divorce.
[1] ©
2021 Alan Brehm. A sermon delivered by Rev. Alan Brehm, Ph. D. on 10/3/2021 for
Hickman Presbyterian Church, Hickman, NE.
[2] Cf. The Book of Order 2019-2021 W-4.0601, p. 106: “Marriage is a gift
God has given to all humankind for the well-being of the entire human family.”
[3] Cf. “The Westminster Confession of Faith,” ch. XXVIin The Book of Confessions, p. 178, where it is acknowledged that due to the “weaknesses” of married partners it can happen that “the marriage dies at the heart and the union becomes intolerable.”
[4] Cf. Shelby Spong, Living Commandments, 80: “there is a very large area
between what we would call ideal and what we would call immoral.”
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